Getting Confidence living and dressing as a Woman

Getting Confidence living and dressing as a Woman

 When I was in male form I was very introverted and found it hard talking to people. As for parties and groups of people, I would find a corner or quiet place waiting for an opportunity to exit without being noticed by anyone. Crowds of people or eating in cafes I could not cope with, I would eat as fast as possible and felt that every eye was upon me. So the thought of transitioning was something that I thought would be very difficult if not impossible. But if I was to transform I would need to overcome my reserve. I had never gone out of the house dressed as Ina, but the time came when I had no choice but to dress as a woman. I chose a visit to my psychiatrist. I put on a knee length black skirt and a cream coloured blouse. Then I drove one hour to my appointment. I needed to take a lift to the first floor and another lady came into the lift she was very nice and asked if it was raining outside, this put me at ease. The interview went well and the doctor said he would give me my papers in a year of fulltime presenting as a woman. As I came out of the building a clap of thunder rang out wow I thought God missed with that lightning strike.   

After that we went to one of Melbourne’s biggest malls. While we were there Mary asked if I would like to have an engagement ring. This was such a loving gesture on her part as she was having trouble with my transitioning. As I mentioned this was on the first time out of the house dressed as a woman. The year passed and I slowly grew more accustomed to living full time as a woman, but I still had the usual problems of not being able to cope with people. When walking down the street I would look straight ahead and not at any one. If I needed to talk to someone I would look at something behind them or their ear. 

   This is how I would cope and it continued on till the wonderful day when I met Dayse in Bangkok we has srs at the same time and by Dr.Saran. She is the most wonderful outgoing person I have ever met. When we were well enough to get around we would go down to the restaurant in the hospital. Dayse would make a grand entrance and would have every waiter either blushing or smiling. She looks absolutely gorgeous and has a confidence that is very contagious. By her example I learnt to look people in the face and smile if for some reason I don’t get a response or get a negative response then I will give a little wave. For some reason people will usually respond to a smile in a positive way, and a wave in response. Dayse showed that she had respect for others. In the passage in the hospital there is provision for family groups to have tea there would often be a group if men of middle eastern extraction some very old Mullahs and younger men, as we would walk past she would greet the older men with a respectful greeting and receive a reply, but the young men she would give her cheeky smile. If it was not for Dayse I would have rushed past feeling embarrassed that the older men would be insulted or look down on me, but after that I would then greet then with a smile.

    Shopping  with Dayse  was an experience in Bangkok, I’m 6’2” and Dayse is only a little shorter so walking around the shops we would get quite a lot of looks but not hostile, so this also helped me realize that people looked at us because we were so attractive (well Dayse was). She is now my lovely sister and very matched loved.

    Not all of us have the privilege to know a Dayse to guide us but we can associate with friends that have a positive attitude to life. These may be male, genetic females, transgender friends, and family love ones. The main thing is to keep in mind that we are not alone on our journey, there are a lot of us out there and we all need to help each other as much as possible so try and not isolate yourself. 

Facial Feminization Surgery FFS

Facial Feminization Surgery FFS

About a year after SRS and looking in the mirror seeing a rather ragged person looking back at me I decided to have FFS.

Pre-FFS

Two Days After FFS

   

The end result

As you can see Dr.Saran http://www.doctorsaran.com/index.php has made a big difference to my looks. As result it has made a big difference to my confidence. I know that the person inside is the most important factor when we are living our lives. At sixty five I was looking my age as the sun, working with chemicals and having a very male body made the decision easy. As you can see from the photos I could do with FFS (not the worst photos).

          Getting to the point of FFS went well. I contacted Ying and asked if Dr.Saran would:

·        Full face/Neck lift (with platysmal/SMAS tightening)

·        Upper and Lower eyelid surgery (Upper and Lower blepharoplasty)

Ying got back to me with the quote so it was all go. I went to Bangkok and was picked up by Ying and taken to the Piyavate Hospital. The next day met with Dr.Saran and was admitted to the ward, that night I was operated on. I woke up with pads over my eye this was a little disconcerting but I soon got used to it. The nurses would help me go to the toilet, they were very sweet.  As you can see I was bruised around the eyes, but strangely it looks worse than it was, there was very little pain. 
With the face lift there was stitches around my ears and to the top of my head. On the top of my head where there were two drainage tubes, it sounds painful but it wasn't. After a couple of days the tubes where removed it was a strange feeling when they where being taken out but no pain. The wounds from the face lift feel quite strange when you sleep with your head on its side. This feeling lasted for about six months. The wounds have healed with out any visible scars, which is fantastic. There was very little maintenance just massaging the swelling under the eyes and keeping things clean. 
    So I was very happy with my FFS with no side effects. But like all operations you will need to consider all the risks in having FFS.

SRS Aftercare

SRS Aftercare
Dilating:
Dilating is one of those things that you hear all sorts of stories about. It is most important that you dilate, regardless of your feelings and fears pain level please dilate. If your surgeon has made the best and most beautiful vagina in the world it will be to zero if you do not look after it.
To me dilating was a scary thing; I was afraid of pushing too hard and bursting the stitches but it was only a false fear. Yes it was quite painful at first about 7/10 but that quickly subsided with each dilating session.
A dilating session would start with cleaning around the area with cotton wool and antiseptic (diluted Detol or Betadine solution). Then you place a condom over the dilator and apply a liberal amount of KY cream to it and your brand new vagina, then slowly insert I found the first inch or so very easy but then you come to the spot where the vagina passes through the muscle this is where I found it the hardest going but just keep pushing firmly. When you get to full depth you will feel the back pressure on the dilator. Then hold it in there for as long as you where instructed, with me it was only 20min. After dilating you need to clean up, to me the easiest was to shower and use a hand held shower spray this made it very easy. In the early days you will need to dry the area and apply antiseptic powder or wash to the stitches. It is relatively simple but listen to your doctor when he tells what he wants you to do. After the fear goes dilating is very boring, get a book watch TV or a DVD to help pass the time. You are doomed to dilate for the rest of your life unless you have an active sex life.
The other thing that I was very concerned about was how would I know when to urinate and how would I do it, in actuality it was the one thing that turned out to be the easiest. The trick was in the hospital Dr.Saran had the nurse put a clamp on the catheter and left it for several hours then would come in and releases it. She would tell me how much urine was in the bag so after a short time I know exactly what the feeling was when my bladder was full. So when Dr.Saran removed the catheter and I felt I needed to go to the toilet I just went. The same muscles that I used were still in use so it was very simple.

Recovering from SRS

Recovering from SRS
After the operation I stayed overnight in the intensive care ward. The only things that gave me any concern was I felt freezing when I came out of the anesthetic but the nurses where on the ball and put a special heating blanket that was so nice on me. I had trouble getting enough air, so they took the mask off my face and put the little tube near my nose with oxygen this worked surprisingly well.
Up in the ward where I had a room to myself all went well. It was very clean and quite modern more like a Motel room with fridge tv and the usual things you would expect in a hospital. I was hooked up to a drip with painkillers and saline. From under the sheet I could see the drainage tubes for the breast implants and the SRS drains. There was very little blood in the drains that I was quite surprised about. Also I was in no pain the most I could say is that it was uncomfortable. I will include a photo it looks painful but it wasn’t for me (that doesn’t mean it will be the same for every one).

Dr.Saran come in that evening and checked that all was right. He came in every day that I was in the ward, it wasn’t just pop in and out but he would spend time with me.
Next day it was up and out of bed. Getting over the edge of the bed was the most discomfort I had in all my time in recovery. It was not sharp pain just very awkward getting over the edge of the bed with all the padding. Standing up and walking was just strange, I walked like a duck but it was much easier than I thought it would be. Each day it was easier than the day before day six some of the stitches and the padding was taken out with the drains. I was very surprised when Dr Saran said he was finished. I had expected pain when the tubes weres taken out but I did not feel him removing them. Once again this may vary with different people, but for me it went well.
Next time I will deal with urinating and after care.